Monday, March 25, 2013

Law Schools and Other Shameless Schemes

March 15, 2013, 9:24 p.m. ET

Law Schools and Other Shameless Schemes

 

In the world-famous Nigerian Scam, a person is contacted via letter or email by a mysterious West African stranger outlining a secret path to untold riches. The stranger knows of a huge sum of cash or gold being hoarded in a vault somewhere, but to gain access to it, a bribe must go to a high-ranking official.

To reap a 30% share of the treasure, the "mark" is asked to deposit, say, $10,000 in the scammer's bank account to cover the bribe. The scammer assures the mark that things are proceeding as planned and asks for more money. When the mark finally runs out of cash or realizes the pot of gold does not exist, the scammer moves on to the next dupe. The con job, though idiotic and obvious, often succeeds.

Entire websites are devoted to warning the public about the Nigerian Scam. But how is this fraud, also known as the Nigerian 419 Scam (after the section of Nigerian law that covers the crime), any different from the Law School 419 Scam?

This scheme promises its gullible victims immense wealth and a brilliant future. It promises jobs that don't exist and careers that will never materialize. It offers degrees that are useless outside the state in which they were issued, and not much use inside. At the end of the line, the mark, often hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, is left penniless.

[image]Bloomberg News

If Bernie Madoff were starting out today, he might found a law school.
 
The mechanics of the Law School 419 Scam are very similar to those of the legendary Nigerian con job. First, the pigeon is asked to pony up a substantial amount of money to attend his first year in law school, despite the fact that law schools are cutting enrollment and some institutions are so embarrassed by the whole thing that they're setting up their own law firms to hire graduates. The powers-that-be assure the sucker that it's OK if he doesn't have the upfront money; the school knows people who will lend it to him. The vig is modest.

By the end of his first year, the mark has read a few articles warning that the legal industry is imploding. He's read that even graduates from Ivy League law schools are having a hard time landing jobs. He starts to wonder if he will ever see the big payoff he has been promised.

The scammer reassures him, telling him that to keep things percolating, he need only deposit an additional chunk of money in the scammer's account to pay for the second and the third year of school. At the same time, the mark is subjected to the Law School 419 Overpriced Law Book Scam.
At the end of the experience, the bamboozled sucker usually goes to work in retail.

People get really upset about the Nigerian Scam, but in their defense the Nigerians only ask for a few thousand dollars. Law schools ask for hundreds of thousands. And the Nigerian Scam does at least have a certain entertainment value: It makes the victim feel like he's been cast in a remake of the beguiling David Mamet/Steve Martin film "The Spanish Prisoner." Law schools provide no drama and no amusement. It's a straight rip-off.

These are by no means the only egregious scams that routinely impoverish the unknowing rube. There is also the Master's Degree in Gender Studies Scam, the Music Conservatory Scam, the Film School Scam and the Pas de Deux 419 Scam. Send us $150,000 and we can guarantee you a position in an orchestra somewhere. Or a career in Hollywood. Or a job as a ballerina.

We take checks, cash and money orders.

Other scams that have gone woefully unreported are the Cruise Ship Scam (send us a ton of money and we promise, promise that you won't end up tilted at a funny angle on a capsized ship off the coast of Cairo in December), the Any Movie Starring Colin Farrell Scam, the Managed Fund Scam, the Private School Scam (send us a hundred grand and we'll get that doofus into Yale no matter what) and the 30 Days to a Slimmer You Scam.

Perhaps the worst offender of all is The Political Action Committee 419 Scam. Send us thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars and we promise to get your capital-gains taxes lowered. Or at least get that scoundrel thrown out of office. Uh-oh; better send another check ASAP. Looks like we're going to need a bigger bribe.

A version of this article appeared March 16, 2013, on page C11 in the U.S. edition of The Wall Street Journal, with the headline: Law Schools and Other Shameless Schemes.

Looking back, I have to admit that to some extent it was a scam even before summer 2008 when Lehman Brothers went belly up. Since summer 2008, it has definitely been a scam for a lot of law students.